Snooki's Mom Advice for Kate Middleton
The Queen of the Jersey Shore's surprisingly sweet open letter to the Duchess of Cambridge (no, really)
If you can wade through the awkwardness and overlook the fact that she called the future heir to the throne "your royal golden nugget," she pretty much nails the naïve excitement most soon-to-be-moms feel:
"Waiting for your little Prince or Princes to arrive, I am sure you are prepared for your life to totally change -- even more than it already has. In the beginning, right when you take your royal golden nugget home to the castle is the most exciting experience of your life. I couldn't wait to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of my little prince Lorenzo.
Then, in her own special way, Snooki breaks it down -- motherhood is not the pretty Pampers or Gerber commercial you see on TV, all smiles and giggly babies:
"But that lasts for about a few days. Then it's like, "I love you but OMG stop crying! I'm exhausted." The lack of sleep you will get used to -- just do your makeup, put a tiara on, and you'll look beautiful as usual. Be sure to sing to your baby a lot, too! When I sing to my booger, he calms down and stares at me like he's in love, which makes me feel amazing -- or he's just trying to tell me to shut the hell up because I can't sing."
More sound advice and, dare we say it, a clever reference to a musician who would, indeed, sing a great lullaby -- remember, she could've gone with One Direction or The Spice Girls:
"Anyway, music calms them down. I'm pretty sure you can have anyone you want over to sing to your little one ... maybe a lullaby from Elton John?
And her sign-off is perfect -- just the kind of advice and support all new moms need, even ones with access to the Crown Jewels.
"I have not doubt that you will be an amazing mom, but talking to other moms helps, especially being a new mommy. I think we can now add Goddess to your list of titles.