Colleen Hanrahan, the sassy creation of satirical blogger Cat Coyne, is a "guidette" from Boston. Her vlogs feature rants about the Boston Bruins, her cat Paul, and most recently, a makeup tutorial. Some choice wisdom from this particular vlog entry include:

Mascara Application
"I like to think of, like, each of my eyelashes is a french fry, and this is the ketchup."

Sparkles
"...it'’s like diamonds, ya know? Rihanna get at these friggin' diamonds, oh my gawd."

Eyeliner
"I don't know who said less is more. More is more."

Despite the atrocious makeup advice she offers, Colleen's commentary on the world is both refreshingly blunt and hilarious. If you don't have time for the whole video, skip to 8:58, when she reveals how her "makeup advice turns into husband advice."