Jade eggs aren't the only vaginal care phenomenon popularized on Goop; its editors also wax poetic about the V-Steam, available at Tikkun Spa in Santa Monica, California, among other places. Tikkun's treatment involves squatting over a boiling herbal tea of mugwort and flower buds for 30 to 45 minutes, letting the steam mingle with one's nether regions.

"A combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al," Goop's website reads. "It is an energetic release -- not just a steam douche -- that balances female hormone levels."

Minkin says she is "very concerned" by the prospect of vaginal steams, "which can lead to burns." "The most delicate tissues women have are the vulva and vaginal tissues," she explains. "The less toxicity to this delicate tissue, the better... There is no biological reason to steam anything."

DePree didn't mince words about vaginal steaming. "If you burn the vaginal walls, the superficial layers of the vagina will slough," she says. "In the healing process, the walls of the vagina may adhere together and create a very difficult situation, essentially obliterating the vaginal canal."

To paraphrase: YOU CAN BURN YOUR VAGINA SHUT.

If burning your vaginal canal closed sounds like a real-life horror show, DePree agrees with you. "I have seen this happen when women have used irritating products," she reports. "It's a nightmare to treat."

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Our MDs couldn't recommend yoni pearls, yoni eggs or V-steams for promoting vaginal health. But are there any mass-marketed vaginal cleansing products that normal, healthy women should be using?

"Honestly, no," says DePree. "The vagina is self-cleaning! The normal secretions of the vagina act as a mechanism to remove cellular debris, and new skin appears there, just like every other area of the body. The skin of the vulva can be very sensitive, so this is an area where the 'less is best' rule applies."

DePree recommends cleansing a healthy vagina with mild soap and water, or even just water. "This is one area ... where [women] are truly low-maintenance, so enjoy, and spend the energy somewhere else!"

Minkin is on the same page. "Unfortunately, many products out there are very disruptive of the pH balance," she says. "If folks do want to wash, I would encourage just plain water and a mild soap."

If you really believe something is awry with your vagina, both doctors recommend one over-the-counter product for keeping your vagina clean and pH-balanced. "When women complain to me about an odor, I often suggest they try a product like RepHresh," Minkin says.

DePree agrees, saying it "can be helpful to maintain or restore the pH if it has been disrupted... But, generally speaking, there is no specialized cleaning regime or treatment needed for the vulva or vagina."

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Why do so many vaginal cleansing and vaginal "detoxing" products exist if they're so risky? Because there's a market for them. Some women feel insecure about whether their vagina is sufficiently clean and fresh.

And why would the companies that sell them want you to think any differently? They've got skin in the game. The feminine hygiene market has lately exhibited steady growth; by 2020, it's projected to reach $6.2 billion in the U.S. and $40 billion globally.

"There is definitely a big market for [these products]," says DePree. "In my opinion, there is an incredible amount of money spent for no good reason. And if you are unfortunate enough to have an adverse reaction to these products, you only create new issues."

And if you've ever worried about your vagina's smell, you probably don't need to.

"After 38 years in gynecological practice, I can say that women are much more attuned to their own scents than other folks are," Minkin assures. "The majority of times that a woman comes in complaining of a significant odor, I really don't smell much of anything."

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And what if there's something genuinely wrong with your vagina -- a newly funky smell, a persistent itch, or pain during sex? Then you don't need a detox; you need a doctor.

"If you are experiencing a bothersome change in vaginal discharge; odor or discomfort; vulvar skin changes, itching or irritation; or pain with intercourse, let your provider know," DePree says. "A thorough exam should be performed to determine the cause, and then, of course, the proper treatment."

Women should also be aware of the signs of pelvic inflammatory disease, an infection of the reproductive organs that requires immediate treatment by a doctor. "If a woman were to develop pelvic inflammatory disease, she would usually have significant pelvic pain, fever, and possibly some bleeding," says Minkin.

But if anyone ever tries to tell you to detox your vagina -- or your uterus, your cervix, or your freakin' chi pathways -- for the love of yoni, don't do it.

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