LOL, and y'all thought VV cream was the only new product you'd be advised to stock up on. Nope, there's an intense version, too. As if an added alphabetical step in your regimen wasn't enough, now you have the wonderful opportunity to go yet another step further. Will you? No, probably not. Should you consider it? Well, if you like a supersoft V, yes.
As annoying as it is to fall for products marketed specifically towards making you more appealing based on the societal structures of sexuality and beauty, here we are, loving the nurtured delicate skin it delivers with not a single ingrown hair in sight.
Next on the list of superfluous V skin-care steps, serum. Yes, you read that right. According to The Perfect V, to get the perfect topper to your real life V, you need to smother it in product after product like you do your face. Does it feel velvety soft and satisfying to smear on? Yep. Would that make me buy it along with the other creams? Nah. It's one thing if this is the only moisturizer you decided to buy for a patch of skin the size of a half dollar, but there's simply no need for three.
Picture this: You're sitting at work and the clock strikes noon, it's time to mist. After you pop the cap off your favorite Mario Badescu and spritz your face, you pick up this little beaut and head to the loo. Not even kidding, this is a facial spray for your V. Does hydration help skin of all areas? Totally. Is it truly necessary for the patch of skin above your biological V? Absolutely not.
Though, we will note, the fact that it neutralizes odor (Worst. Word. Ever.) might make you consider it for those post-yoga, pre-happy hour nights. You do you, girl.
Okay, sue me, I dig 'em. While some of you may roll your eyes and be all judgy wondering why on earth I'd need little refreshing sheets, hear me out. Are these meant for your fake V? Yup. Did I use them for that? Nope. Instead, I used the pH balanced, refreshing towelettes to reach beyond the superficial V, to the actual areas of my anatomy that, well, need a refresh every now and again.
Be real y'all, whether it's that time of the month or just a really long day, sometimes a little refresher is necessary. Stock up on these geometrically patterned packets and you're good.
Last, but absolutely not least, simply for the fact that this was by far the most amusing test of all, we have a tube of what's essentially highlighter for your V. You know that glazed-donut-like shine we love to coat our cheekbones with? Well, apparently The Perfect V thinks we need to provide the same glazed goodness to our nether parts. And, while I absolutely hate the idea of being marketed to like I need to look like a glossy little pornstar, I had to try it. In fact, not only did I, but I figured my ex-boyfriend-turned-roommate did too. Equality, right?
Let me break it down. After trying the first seven products, it was finally time for what was meant to be a gorgeously glowing cosmetic enhancement for my V (and his P) that was simply irresistible. Look, it's hard for me to not drool over a KrispyKreme donut; it is not hard for me to contain myself over a shimmering P. What was hard? Containing my laughter and knowledge that I now had endless ammo for years to come. After all, I got a guy to go all Edward Cullen and it didn't even take stepping into sunlight to make it a sparkly reality. As for his thoughts, he liked how soft it was but didn't think it'd make much of a difference in the big scheme of sex considering at the point a guy sees a V, a little glitter isn't going to make it or break it.
So, what have we learned? There's an eight-step skincare routine targeted towards vaginas. While it was created by women, it's hard not to wonder how men's opinions and societal beauty standards played a role. In the line there are a handful of quality products I'd gladly post in a shelfie, as well as some I simply can't get behind. So, what's the real consensus, you might ask?
The Perfect V? Roughly $300. The chance to laugh endlessly at what the world of gimmicky beauty trends has come to with your BFF? Priceless.
