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I Tried an 8-Step Skin Care Regimen on my V. Here's What Happened

Laughter, intrigue and teamwork ensued.
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If you're like me, you had a stifled chuckle or two when you first read about the launch of the Vanicure, a skin care regimen specifically for your V. But, if you're also like me, head-tilted, you wonder what exactly that would be like.

Well, as always, I was down for an adventure in beauty all in the name of grade-A journalism and decided it was time to reach out to the brand that has been making splashy headlines across the web. Where some of my very favorite sites had covered the launch, none had debuted a first-person experiential piece on the seemingly NSFW skin care regimen. It was clear what I needed to do. I rolled up my sleeves and slipped out of my pants to see what this 8-step vaginal nonsense was all about.

Like any good consumer, before applying any of the products to what I (and, most likely, you) consider my V, I read the instructions first. And good thing because otherwise I would've been slathering in all the wrong places. Turns out, in the world of The Perfect V, your V is not, in fact, your V. Instead, it is the small V-shaped triangle situated above your biological V -- AKA your pubic area. Since nobody would likely want to buy a 'Pubicure' or products for 'The Perfect Pubes' I think it's safe to assume why they went the route they did.

But why? Does anyone really need an 8-step skincare routine for such a small patch of skin?

According to The Perfect V, yes, yes they do. And, if you read their 'About' page, you'll probably be sold on the idea. Hell, once you get through this comical article you might, too. As it seems, they do have a point. On any daily or weekly basis, women across the world are posed with a series of V important grooming questions -- to shave or not to shave; to wax or not to wax; to maintain a V or go all out with a super fun little design. You see, in the words of The Perfect V, "just like an iconic haircut, how you style your 'V' can be a clue to a particular moment in fashion."

Okay, cool. So now not only do we need to worry about what elements we pair together for a totally stellar fashion week getup, but now we need to focus on what's beneath it, too? I mean, sure, as women in the 21st century, it's nothing new to be focused on grooming in all shapes and forms, and on all areas of the body, at that. But wasn't it enough to police women's bodies without creating products that further instill the idea that women need to fill a certain sexual mode? After all, we don't see The Perfect P anywhere, now do we?

All feminist ranting aside, I still wanted to give this laughable, yet totally thought-provoking routine a try. Keep scrolling for the full run-down. Who knows, you might just fall in love...with your V, that is.

Let's be real, we've all heard of feminine washes, but how many of us have actually used them? Okay, that's not fair because I actually have. But, then again, I try just about everything. Now, remember, while I initially would have thought that this cleanser was meant for all the little nooks and crannies of my V, if it's meant for the same area of skin that the rest of the line touts as being the V, then quite honestly, just why? Why on earth would you need a special cleanser for such a small area of skin? It's one thing if it's for a real life V, but this newfangled V shouldn't need its own cleanser.

Did it feel good? Well, yeah. Did it soothe my skin? Totally. Did it soften? Yup. But, even with all those positives, I still can't understand why this would be necessary. Quite honestly, I think it's a bit of a marketing faux pas because I think that this particular product is meant for the real-deal V considering it claims to be pH balanced. Nevertheless, since it didn't explicitly say it's for a biological bits cleanse, I found this product to be frivolous and unnecessary, despite being adorably packaged and shelfie worthy.

Next up, exfoliation. Look, you exfoliate your face and your body, but, if you're like me, there's a good chance it didn't occur to you that your V deserved the same buffing love. The same way I follow up my facial cleanse with a gentle exfoliation, after cleansing the typically forgettable skin now known as my V, despite not actually being my V, I reached for the tube of exfoliator and prayed to the V gods that it wouldn't irritate my V sensitive skin.

Y'all...not only did it not irritate my skin, the natural AHA acids actually did their job and exfoliated my precious area of de-fuzzed skin. Like you, I never would've thought a specially designed exfoliator for my nether regions would be necessary, but this super-fine buffer changed that.

So, while I was annoyed by just how beneficial this overpriced scrub is, I rolled my eyes at how much I thoroughly enjoyed this post-shave goodness and decided to see what the rest of the line was all about.

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VV Cream Very V
First there was BB cream, then there was CC cream; ask some people and they'll rave about DD cream. But, VV Cream, what in the world? Where BB, CC and DD creams cater to facial skin care, VV cream is all about enhancing, renewing and improving the beauty of the V. Yes, you're vajay. Or, rather, the super controversial, heavily policed area above it. Instead of just letting women be and do their thing, now there's just another double-lettered cream to add to the list of must-haves.

In all honesty, as much resentment as I have for the fact that DD cream isn't geared towards male parts, but VV cream is considered supermarketable, I really was pleasantly surprised by this adorably packaged tube of nether region goods. Where the luxurious hydrating cream delivers radiance and moisture, it also helps prevent in-grown hairs and red bumps.

Real talk, y'all. You know when you're freshly waxed or shaven and irritation seems nearly inevitable? This cream changes that. With a quick-dry formula that melts into skin, you'll be annoyed by just how much you love this.

LOL, and y'all thought VV cream was the only new product you'd be advised to stock up on. Nope, there's an intense version, too. As if an added alphabetical step in your regimen wasn't enough, now you have the wonderful opportunity to go yet another step further. Will you? No, probably not. Should you consider it? Well, if you like a supersoft V, yes.

As annoying as it is to fall for products marketed specifically towards making you more appealing based on the societal structures of sexuality and beauty, here we are, loving the nurtured delicate skin it delivers with not a single ingrown hair in sight.

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