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16 Massage Horror Stories That Will Make You Cringe

Cross your fingers that these painful, embarrassing and NSFW massage experiences will never happen to you
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Sweat and Tears
"I had the most disgusting massage of my life [in Los Angeles] in 2012. Not only was the male masseuse extremely inexperienced, he dripped sweat all over my back. I didn't say anything after the first drip because I couldn't even imagine what could possibly be dripping on my back. (Maybe oil? A broken air conditioner?) He just rubbed it into my back with his hands. Finally, I asked him what the dripping was and he said, 'sweat.' EW!!!" — L.H. via Yelp

Cover image via Imaxtree

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Lost in Translation
"I hate when I'm in a new place and I don't know the 'spa etiquette.' Once when I got a massage in Asia the masseuse asked me if I wanted my 'front' done. I said, 'Yes,' thinking she meant the 'American style' front -- shoulders, neck, that sort of thing. I flipped over and found out it meant she straddles me and pummels and wrings my bare breasts. Holy cow!! I didn't know what to do so I closed my eyes and tried to count sheep until she was done." ." — via People I Want to Punch in the Throat

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"I doze off [in the middle of my massage] unaware that I need to pee. It isn't until I wake myself up desperate to go that I realize I've been wrapped in seaweed! I don't want to be rude and rip all of it off to run out so I desperately tell the lady I need to pee bad! She doesn't know what to do, and I can't get up because I am all wrapped in seaweed. Then I feel a little warm spurt of pee leak out of me. I tell at her, 'Oh my gosh, I'm losing control,' and she just helplessly starts massaging me again. She tells me just to relax and if it flows out, it's okay. I try crossing my legs to hold myself, but I can't. I start to lose control. As pee gushes out of me, soaking the towels below, I groan in pain and embarrassment. People who work there start rushing in to help me take off the seaweed, as I cry and grab hold of my crotch... Needless to say, I tipped them extra." — EmbarrasedChick via Experience Project

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A Big Stink
"Thai massage is one of my favorite forms of massage and I was really looking forward to it after a 19-hour flight from Los Angeles to Indonesia. I will never forget the two hours of misery I endured at the hands of a massage therapist with the worst body odor ever. I was so focused on finding creative ways to bury my nose in the pillow without passing out that I barely noticed the bodywork. All I noticed was the wall clock that couldn't tick fast enough." — Rada via Successful Massage Therapist

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Horror Meets Pleasure
"I had a massage during an emotionally difficult time at a very reputable spa. The therapist started on my front side, using long rhythmic strokes. When she got to my left upper thigh, her strokes lengthened, became more vigorous, rapid and never broke her very intense rhythm. Her strokes began working their way down the upper inside of my left leg, never touching my genitals, but definitely 'influencing' them. I spent quite a few minutes trying to control myself, before I finally went over the edge. I don't think she could have missed it -- I was trembling, breathing rapidly, etc. We never said a word, but once I 'finished' she moved on to other things. She worked on my back side, using long strokes to massage from my shoulders down my back, under my underwear, where she grasped my buttocks in both hands and squeezed, pulling my buttocks apart. I have never had anyone grab me like that. I'm still not sure if it was a massage, or a date. I was exhausted." — Sojourner via Topix

A massage is supposed to be one of life's simplest and most relaxing pleasures. But put nakedness, body oil and strangers in a dim room, and something's bound to go wrong eventually. Scroll through to read all about the painful rubdowns, reflexology gone wrong and not-so-happy endings that have us cringing. May these embarrassing massage moments serve as cautionary tales for the next time you book your bodywork.
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