While training had its tough points, it came with many positives. I felt good in my skin. I had more energy. I was getting better sleep. My body felt clean, I was becoming stronger every day in the gym. I felt powerful and confident -- until the competition drew near.

Suddenly, I was spending hours on Instagram comparing my body to other competitors' -- and when I looked in the mirror, I felt disgust. Despite my waist training efforts, my waist still looked boxy, my abs were invisible and my once full butt was now non-existent. I didn't feel show-ready nor did I think I was going to be ready in three weeks. That's when the panic began to set in.

My deep sleep was suddenly disturbed in the dead of night with sheer terror around not being stage-ready. I'd never experienced anxiety like that in my life. I didn't want to disappoint my coaches or myself. Soon, the worry and lack of sleep took its toll and I became sick.

At the pre-show check-ins the Friday before the show, I received my show number, a show-day schedule and the first layer of my spray tan. Let me tell you, there's nothing like bonding with your fellow competitors when you're all butt naked in front of each other waiting for your tans.

The show day itself felt like a blur. My day started at 5:30 a.m. and consisted of a 6:30 a.m. makeup appointment with Hollywood makeup artist, Steve Oraha, an 8 a.m. athlete check-in and a whole lot of running around behind a stage all day.

After my final spray tan, my coach called me to find out why the white crystals on my suit were yellow. The tanning professionals had failed to cover my suit, and I only had about 40 minutes until I hit the stage. So I spent the next 30 minutes in the bathroom frantically scrubbing the spray tan from my crystals while very carefully avoiding getting any part of me wet. Any trace of water would streak my tan. Needless to say, there were a lot of girls peeing in cups that day.

Regardless of the little hiccups, it was a superfun day. My fellow competitors were kind and supportive, and we all bonded over what snacks we had and what our cheat meals would be that evening.

The competition was split up into two separate events: The morning pre-judging, where the judges decided who won each class and the finals show that evening. That's when the judges confirmed our scores and revealed the champions.

Surprisingly, I wasn't too nervous prior to either show until the moments before I got on stage. But as I stepped into the spotlight, something happened. My nerves vanished, and I remembered what this entire journey was all about. I strutted my stuff with confidence, and posed just as I had practiced with Wallach so many times.

While I wish I could tell you I placed in both my classes -- I can't. In order to place, you have to make the top five, and this girl came in sixth. However, I'm happy to report that when my show came to a close, I was not sad or disappointed. I realized it was no longer about placing for me. It was about acknowledging the months of hard work, dedication and commitment I'd put in. It's an endeavor not many people dare to attempt, but I committed, and saw it through to the end. To me, that was a bigger accomplishment than any medal. The fact that I was headed straight to DK's Doughnuts after the show didn't hurt either.

The days following show day have been a roller coaster, and I understand why so many competitors struggle with their body image after their show.

In the bodybuilding world, the week before your show is called peak week. During this time, most coaches have you either carb cycling or on a ketogenic diet, while slowly depleting your water supply throughout the week. (One girl I met at my show hadn't had a drop of water in 48 hours.) Your coach often eases up on your workouts as well, to avoid overexerting your depleted muscles. The result? Lean, toned and ripped muscles. (Or for me, flashbacks to my anorexic high school days.)

The problem? You're not meant to be that dried out 24/7, and it's hard to remember that when you look in the mirror weeks after your show and the outline of your abs is completely gone. I became paranoid about gaining weight back, and was very dependent on my coach to help me learn how to balance the real world again. Even with permission to splurge on my diet, I felt an insane amount of guilt for ordering a grilled chicken sandwich. I literally didn't know how to be a normal person anymore.

If I learned anything on this dramatic fitness journey, it's that anyone has what it takes to reach their goals -- fitness or otherwise. It requires setting a goal, committing to it and reminding yourself every day why it's important to you. For me, it will always be about developing a stronger love for myself. While this journey certainly tested that self-love at times, it ultimately showed me that the mind is a powerful thing. If you've got that on your side, you can accomplish anything.

Next up? Another bikini competition this June. If you're curious to see how I do this time around, follow my fitness journey on Instagram @siremj.