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The Product That Will Solve Your Boyfriend's Gross Beard Funk

Your boyfriend's face smells vaguely of cheese. Here's the salve that will get rid of the stink -- if you can get him to use it
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If you've ever dated a guy with a beard, you're familiar with "beard funk." You know, that vague food smell emanating from your man's facial hair, causing you to wonder WTF he ate earlier. Having spent the last six years of my life with a man with facial hair, I can tell you that you neither get used to it nor learn to love it. You just deal with it, because love. In my experience, this beard funk stems from men thinking that splashing water on their face is equivalent to washing it. (Spoiler alert: It's not.)

But the tipping point came when I arrived home from a weekend trip to find the boyfriend sporting an enormous pimple on his chin, beneath his beard. Turns out, he had gone paddle boarding, used water-resistant sunscreen not made for his face on his face (shudder) and neglected to wash it ... for 24 hours. Only after he swore he'd do none of those things ever again, I agreed to help him get rid of his Mount Everest. Here's what happened.

Thumb image via Tumblr

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The Intervention
Two days later, fate intervened. The Clarisonic Alpha Fit -- a new cleansing system for dudes -- landed on my desk. I informed the boyfriend that I had a tough-love solution for his face: Thirty days of consistent sonic cleansing. No skipping, no excuses. After that, if he hated it or didn't see a difference in his skin, he could go back to his water-splashing, body-wash-as-face-soap ways. After some moaning and groaning, he agreed.

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The Introduction
The Clarisonic Alpha Fit is a smaller, cooler version of the women's cleansing brush. It's gray, bullet-shaped and engineered specifically for men's skin, which, we're told, is thicker and oiler than women's. Well, that explains a lot.

Still, the boyfriend was unimpressed -- and more than a little clueless. Proof: The boyfriend turned it on and put it against his face, without soap or water.

Le sigh. Men.

It was time to take a step back and do what us beauty editors do best -- educate. The lesson went something like this: "Babe, it's like a Sonicare sonic toothbrush, but for your face. Yes, totally high-tech. No, you don't use toothpaste. Just get it wet, apply cleanser, turn it on, press lightly against your face and presto -- superclean skin. And this (here's where I did a Vanna White-esque flourish) is an extra powerful setting for your beard. Think you can handle it?

"Oh, and you can totally take it in the shower."

Boyfriend: "Cool, where do I get the face soap?" [Note: We are standing in the bathroom literally surrounded by 13 different cleansers. Luckily for girlfriend-less men, the Alpha comes with its own face wash.]

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The First Week
I'm honestly surprised our relationship survived the first week. Every morning and night, I was on him to test this contraption, because, hello, I was on deadline. This wasn't just about his skin and beard funk anymore.

Then lo and behold, on the fifth night when I reminded him, he said he'd already done it. I was dumbfounded (and maybe a little smug). When I leaned in to kiss him, I could tell he wasn't lying, because his face did not smell like a yet-to-be-named food group.

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The Second Week
Despite the fact that my boyfriend couldn't remember how to pronounce "Clarisonic," things were going much better. The beard funk had decreased immensely, and his once-prickly beard was no longer giving me beard burn. It actually felt soft. I also noticed that his pores were looking smaller, and his skin brighter and healthier. He noticed that he was able to get a closer shave, and had less razor burn.

This torture device was starting to look more like a gadget with potential.

BY ALLIE FLINN | NOV 11, 2015 | SHARES
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