Brightening bird poop facial, $180
For centuries, geishas and kabuki performers relied on bird poop facials to cleanse their faces of the heavy, white makeup they regularly used, (the same makeup that was also loaded with dangerous zinc and lead, but I digress). Shizuka New York's modern-day version of the geisha facial mixes the poop with rice bran for extra exfoliation. The treatment is then finished off with a green tea collagen mask to up elasticity.
Scaly snake massage, $43
Not sure whether you want a deep tissue or Swedish massage? No problem. Barak simply customizes your massage by snake size -- she uses bigger snakes for a deeper, kneading rubdown on the back, and lighter, small snakes for a more delicate massage on the face. Lucky recipients of this treatment can be covered in up to six snakes at a time, ranging from Florida king snakes, California king snakes, corn snakes and milk snakes -- which are all non-venomous, don't worry. If pythons tickle your fancy, there are willing masseuses at the Bali Heritage Reflexology and Spa in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Fishy callus-removing pedicure, $35-$50
First used in Turkey and Asian countries before making their way stateside (even the Kardashians have given this animalistic pedicure a go) these tiny tooth-less fish can live on skin alone and thrive in hot water, making gumming away at your smelly, flaky feet a breeze. Each garra rufa session lats about 15 to 30 minutes ... depending on how ticklish of an individual you are. Kourtney Kardashian sat back and relaxed like it was any other day at the nail salon, while her sister Kim screeched, squealed and was on the verge of tears (out of disgust or amusement, we're still not sure).
Slimy snail facial, $243
Your average ground snail's mucus is packed with proteins and antioxidants that help it slowly, but surely, get from point A to point B. This slime is also rich in hyaluronic acid, an ingredient used in lotions, serums and even lip balms for its intense moisturizing and anti-wrinkle properties. When applied to human skin, it is said to stimulate collagen formation and boost elasticity to keep skin as smooth and firm as a baby's bottom. A snail facial cuts out all those extra additives and instead, lets three of these gastropods inch over your wrinkles and crow's feet with their slimy trails of youth.
Now think about all those times you sprinkled salt on those poor, unassuming snails, and what they could've done for your skin.
Exfoliating eel baths, $1K-$1.5K
One major downfall to this treatment: You can't control where the eels decide to wander. One man in China bathed with the mini exfoliators, only to have an eel settle in his kidney (by way of his genitals), leading to severe pain and a three-hour operation. He's fine now, though no word on if his skin is any smoother.