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5 Vulgar Beauty Products That Have Scarred Us for Life

Don't read this before lunch ...
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What comes to mind when you think of beauty products? Varying shades of pink, powdery, and flowery scents? The stereotypical lipstick kiss mark? Maybe a handful of sparkles?

I'll be honest, a good number of products that end up on our desks in the office fit into at least one of the above categories. But every now and then, we meet a deviant that is more ... vulgar than your average beauty product.

Now, I'm not just talking "Orgasm" blush. In order to qualify as a truly vulgar beauty product, it must induce at least one of the following from us: A substantial eyebrow raise, a cringe, an audible "Ugh," "Ew," "Gross," or "What?!," or a sudden loss of appetite.

Considering these standards, the following five products really stood out. They crossed the line and permanently burned themselves in our memory. So it's only fair to share them with you.

Sure, they're off-putting, but we have to give them some credit for catching our attention and being anything but forgettable.

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Chicken Poop
Unfortunately, droppings of the chicken variety don't have a cutesy term like cow pies do. But that's not stopping all-natural brand, Simone Chickenbone. We had the pleasure of being introduced to Chicken Poop Lip Junk which thankfully, contains no chicken poop, but feel free to visit ILoveChickenPoop.com (you know you want to), and give La Chick Poo Poo Lip Glacé a go if you're feeling fancy.

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Taint
When we received our samples of Illamasqua's "Theatre of the Nameless" nail lacquers, we immediately flipped the bottles over to read the nail polish names, as any seasoned nail polish user would do. "Vice," "Faux Pas," "Kinky" ... and "Taint." Come again?! When we flipped the bottle right side up, we were surprised (or not surprised?) to find a yellow-tinted brown color staring us back in the face. Imagine the number of lunches ruined that day with, "Did you try Taint?" being asked throughout the office.

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Crack
Don't worry, we weren't sent any illicit substances. The release for this multitasking leave-in styler promised to help us all develop a substance abuse problem with this "habit forming hair fix" that is "curiously addictive." Cue the eyebrow raises. But if you're open to the possibility of rehab or want to live out that Lilo lifestyle on a smaller scale, then by all means, get your hair hooked on Crack.

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V
You probably wouldn't bat an eye by simply picking up a tube of this vbeauté's V lipgloss, but seeing the full advertisement is a different story. The Lip Spread comes with the cheeky slogan "Spread Those Sexy Lips," and judging by founder Julie Macklowe's laugh in the ad, we're thinking they have a different body part in mind. (Just take a look at the artistic renderings covering Macklowe's dress if you're not picking up what we're laying down). The best part: Every V is "nut-free" and promises to work with your lip chemistry to deliver your "very own afterglow." Impressive.

BY ERICA SMITH | MAY 17, 2013 | SHARES
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